I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What did we do last night that was yellow?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
