If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
