i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
