the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
