the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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