no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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