We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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