Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
