Your mouth is God's brothel.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
