She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
