hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
