i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
