Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
