youre lurking in front of me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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