how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
