what day is it and did you see me today?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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