Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
