I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
