A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
