Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
