look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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