No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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