:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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