I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
