My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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