It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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