My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
