I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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