You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
