I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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