You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
