No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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