i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
