I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
