Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
