So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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