I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
