hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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