If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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