im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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