If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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