I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
