i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
