Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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