Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
