Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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