im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
