everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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