I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
