i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
