Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
