I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize