Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
