There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
