I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
