i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
