We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
