you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
