my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
