But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
