Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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