Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
