I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
