Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
