I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
